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"Like a Personal Trainer For Your Mind." |
 
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| How It Works |
"...After just one session, my partner and I were able to move through
conflict in a non-blaming and curious way, eager to explore how our
innate differences worked in our relationship...As a psychotherapist, I
would recommend this process to the couples I see for relationship
therapy..."
--Shari Levine, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Portland, OR
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Please ask your question, and we'll send you a personal answer, as well as posting the Q&A to help others.
Q: It seems emotion often fuels my words. Could I be a Seven with a bit of Four?
A: The short answer is no; they are in completely different triads, not wings, and not in a Stress/Security line with one another. Of course as we progress through our lives, we take on strategies and perspectives that are attractive to us. Add to this the very interesting similarities between the Seven and the Four, and it can be confusing. Here are some of the areas where they are on the same page, and where the forks in the road are located.
The biggest differences really (not counting Integrated or Disintegrated states) is that as a Seven you'd be more assertive and extroverted, and as a Four you'd be more withdrawn and introverted. Wing influences can greatly affect that, so I never go by that alone.
Sevens are quite in tune with aesthetics and what is beautiful or special, which has the outward appearance of a Four's focus of attention. However, the aesthetics of a Seven are part of a grand plan or concept of beauty. The aesthetics of a Four are indescribable, non-thinking, visceral, and in the body. Another place where Seven and Four can look alike is where Seven integrates into type Five, (withdrawing, introspective, analytical) which can look like a Four.
Sevens will describe themselves as quite emotional, and indeed are deeply moved by emotional triggering mechanisms. Being moved, and then expressing that verbally is one of the places where the Seven/Four divergence becomes visible. A Four will be moved, and often utterly unable to express it verbally. A Seven may experience a sense of limitation with language, but language will be accessible. A Four feels on such a visceral level that words are often beyond reach. This is frequently a source of conflict between Sevens and Fours in relationship. Four's inability to comply with Seven's demands for an "immediate verbal explanation of an emotion" can be perceived by Seven as hesitating - thus bringing up distrust. Furthermore, a Four feels almost a compulsion to express the emotion non-verbally; some form of artistic outlet that eschews thought, is devoid of order or left brain influence. A Seven will want to share their enthusiasm over the experience verbally.
Further assessment (Ian style) looks at your relationship to authority and fear, whether you resonate more with anxiety over having what you like taken away, (Seven) or more with intense envy of others (Four). Whether you feel a crusader-like indignant anger when underdogs are wronged, (Seven) or a crushing sense of being broken in some way that makes you unable to help others (Four).
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